semester break

I gotta start working on my final year project thesis but I still procrastinating. May be in my mind I always think there is pretty time for me to complete it. yeah I know it. However, if I keep doing this I'm sure that I will regret in the future.Not to call future but very soon I will get myself into hardship. I am undergraduate and currently pursuing my degree in local private university. After this short break I will fight for my very last semester in uni. should I appreciate and really enjoy my uni life? I know I will go through it once in my life and never take two. I hope that I can faster graduate. of course there must be a reason behind it, I want to make sure being exempted from ptptn repayment. the loan cost me a lot and if I get the good result I do not need to clear the debt when I enter work place. anyway all the best to myself I will try my best to get what I wish to obtain and gain. Never ever fail myself. Keep moving!

Gambateh

guilty

I feel guilty because I didn't fully utilized my time on my studying. Insteed, I wasted a lot of time in thinking those meaningless matter. I should focus on final and cannot let others small matter to distract my attention. Well it is already midnight and it is time to get into bed. I promise to myself I will really stduy tomorrow, again I'm not going to online tomorrow. Only three days left for me. Must believe that you can do it~ Gambateh~

Back~

Already went back after some time. :D
I had a weird feeling and very complicated. I can't bear mum's nagging and I used to stay in a quiet environment.
wondering what will happen after graduation...

The day B4 go back to my hometown

I'm supposed to study for tomorrow's midterm right now. However, I'm not in a studying mood instead, I'm in the mood to go back home. Yeah I know I should get back to reality after all. May be It has been a while for me to stay at kampar at least for this short semester. I refused to go back every week although I have enough time to travel between. Compare to my friend all were rushing up for their fyp, am I consider the lucky one? I don't know because I always worry and struggling in how to start the thesis writing, too many uncertainties in front of me and I used to stay at the same place and refused to move on. This is my weakness and I took too much time in over thinking a small matter. I should get rid of this yet I stayed at the original place now. well stop my nagging and go back to my study. Last revise for tomorrow's midterm.
~GAMBATEH~

1/12/2011

新的一个月份的到来，是否意味着新的开始，什么都有转机呢？我不晓得，可我衷心地希望一切会变得更好。所有的劣性请你远离我，我要控制我自己，而不是由你们来主导我的未来。加油！

29/11/2011

不懂晃了多少天。我呆在所谓的宿舍里，整整有三天了，没出门买东西吃，吃的也只是现成的饼干、豆粉等INSTANT食物。不会特地为了食物而出门，我日夜颠倒地过日子。过度地放纵自己，不按照原来的路线走，我想：我是累了、倦了还是有太多的时间搞些乱七八糟的事情。说实话，如果放纵算是一种休息，那休息过后，我有着深深的愧疚感，我还是当初的那个我吗。我周遭的朋友，我是他们眼中的我吗。或许，我努力地伪装自己，想维护自己在他人眼里的形象，可这毕竟太累人了。偶尔，我也需要解压，这时候，我不喜欢别人的打扰，就让我静静地沉醉在那属于我的世界里。或许那过于梦幻没点实际，可我真的希望摆脱那纠缠着我不放的名与利。世人为了名利二字，追逐了大半生，而我也在其中，不能侥幸逃离。
休息时可以，但休息过后，请你拿出你的坚持、勇气继续走下去。别再为自己找再多的借口了，因为那只是借口。再多的借口，也只是为了抚慰你那害怕、愧疚的心理。
好了，是时候开始振作了！加油 ^___^

28/11/2011

窃探 我喜欢知道人的内心世界
有时候 我在想 这是否算是一种病态
我会尽全力去探索你们内心的世界
有时候 知道了 反而觉得距离远了
套用一句话
没有得到的 总是以为是最好的
得到了 却发觉没想像中来的好
这 矛盾的心态 你我皆有
怎么改
算了 做了那么多无用的东西
这几天
我该回到正常的馗道了

时间不等人 :D 现在是凌晨215am
晚安啦

24/11/2011

我不懂知足，所以痛苦、挣扎。若知足，是否意味着固步自封，不再继续自己的脚步呢？我以为，知足了就没人核动力让你继续往前。未来的路我看不清，能顾及的是眼前的事。尽力而为吧！别留下任何遗憾！

22/11/2011

爱上电台 喜欢忧伤的音乐
爱上了那一首首触动我心灵的歌曲
勾起了我的回忆 让我感同身受的音符
抚平了心里的痛 告诉自己要加油
路还很长 要继续大步地跨出去

13/11/2011

能让你完全进入戏里的电影，是好的电影。

"SOURCE CODE"

I just finished watching one movie, it is really impressive. The plot in the movie attracted me and I get myself totally trapped in the movie. After watching I got such a weird feeling, is the existence of another world other than the current world I am stay now. No one know this and we still struggling in living in this competitive yet tension society. 

Okay have to continue move on..

你在烦恼什么

诚如这首歌所说，没有什么事永远的。好的坏的都会过去的:) 

要坚信你会拥有属于你的未来

12/11/2011

逃，我想逃。远离这一切，害怕失败，未来还是个未知数。面对挫折，我选择让自己沉醉在那梦幻的世界里。我虽清楚，终究会从梦中醒来，却不愿面对。我承认，我是个胆小鬼。比任何人来的敏感，也许措辞中细微的瑕疵，也让我难受。
看似冷酷无情，把真情记在心中。我，还是我，梦醒之后，我依然要勇敢地面对，没有任何退路。
话说，有句话我特别认同：
你没有资格堕落，因为你只是普通人，并非什么千金之躯。

5/ 11/ 2011

Addicted? I know that taking drug will be addicted, like whatever that is stand for entertainment will get people being addicted and can't let it go. This semester I have quite a lot of time to study but I still do procrastinating. I used to do last minute work =.= how come?

I know what should I do but I'm so lazy to get it start, keep finding excuse to avoid myself into the real world. Knowing that this is no good but I still do this. Keep doing something that is meaningless and even has damaging effect, it slowly contaminate your mindset and make you totally drown in this thing. I know I should get rid of this as quickly as possible.

Please give me some determination to get things done.

29 oct 2011

距离看似很近，可心的距离呢？猜忌、猜疑，这都是友情面临危机的迹象。于是，我犹豫了，每每想要跨出那一步，退缩了、害怕了。我们都害怕，付出得多，对自己的伤害越大。
说是空闲的很，我却觉得很空虚~
一点也不充实，有点怀念那忙碌的日子，套句话说，人是犯贱的~
好了，决定了，明天我要充分利用时间来念书 :)

28 oct 2011

会痛，那是因为我在乎。过于在乎，成了所谓的小心眼、小气、计较。怎么才能做到平常心？若是不在乎，就不会痛，你对他的好，在我眼里该是不痛不痒，那该有多好。人，就是想要求付出等于回报，可是又有多少事是跟着这走的呢？我常在想，朋友我都如此在乎这些，若是有了男女朋友间的关系，那又会如何么？也许，在你看来，我是很无情的，可我觉得自己算是有情的。伪装在的脆弱你看见吗？你看见了，可能我们之间已经了解得够彻底了。我喜欢窥探别人的内心世界，发觉表面和内心是可以全然不同的。那是因为，我也是个表里不一的人。说是世界改变了我们，不如说是我们随波逐流，为的就是不在这逆流里，于是转了方向，顺着它容易了它同时也方便了自己。良知、道德，这些又算得什么。偶尔，它会跑出来谴责我们，可是同一时间另一声音又响起了，它说：我是为了自保，不被伤害。没错，人性是自私的。

好久没打中文字了，已经习惯英文教学，华文显得那么得可有可无。无可否认的，我的中文是退步了。在英文进步的当儿，它就在往后退，虽然都有用华文交谈但久了书写都成了问题。什么语法都不重要，能表达意思就好。真正想写文章时，才发觉自己，重复性地用同样的句子构造，乏味无趣。甚是好笑的事，有时候竟然用英文来翻译去中文，那是潜意识的。

Okay, that’s all for the Chinese version diary. Although my mandarin is not that good compare to what I did during secondary school but I believe that my English language level still left a big gap behind mandarin, what do you think? XD

I felt so imbalance when chatting with my friend. Seriously, is this called jealous? Yes I think it is. I knew myself well and I can’t accept the truth when somebody walks across me in many situations, which means I don’t want to lose. Lose in the first step means you already lost the first opportunity. The only thing you can do is not sit there and blame and point you finger to others but have to stand up and walk toward your goal. Must believe in one thing:

Nothing is impossible!

过去·现在

我不喜欢回忆过去，只因过去并不特别美好，有太多的无能为力。也许，你会回头看过去的一切，而我却不会。问我后悔吗选择了这个专业，我并不后悔，因为我不信我会过得更好若是我选择了另一条路。
至少现在的我，没过去那么卑微。我想要属于我的自信，我不喜欢附属在别人身上。虽然很多时候，我们都清楚知道别人只是在利用你，因为你还有价值。

=_+

A tiring day  (O)__(O)
.....................................................
nothing left to say, I am just too care.
Should not so care about those things that are no important.

10/10/2011

I feel lost. Early morning I had this kind of feeling, in other word, this is not the first time. There are too many uncertainties in front of me, I am kind of people who don't like to take risk. I try to avoid risky work and I try to make sure everything works according to my plan. Why I have no enough braveness to get things done? Although I knew my own shortcoming yet I refused to change. Sigh!